I’m Indigo inside, hope’s access denied. Remember when I thought I could fight it off, still had some life left in my eyes? The brightest lights couldn’t shimmer through, now that sleight of hand conceals the view. Send me some purpose, I’ll send an IOU.
And I wish that there was nothing to see, I wish there was nothing that I could miss, to stop me from dying, to escape this dark abyss. Because in hindsight, life used to be so crystal clear, apart from trusting too much, believing everything I hear.
I never planned to let anyone down, but you see this really wasn’t my decision. I know you’d think different, if you saw my latest incision. Just a lesser of two evils, and that’s the evil that won. But I did it to get through, so that you could still say you have a son.
Well here I am, outside of my own body, I don’t know if and when I’ll return. I wish you knew how hard I was working, even if I didn’t earn. I wish you could see me just for a day, how I see myself through my own eyes. Disconnected in a dream world, like a dead man in disguise.
I could never let go of the things that broke me, cause emotionally is still abuse. And with Rosie, I had my head held high, to reach this pretty noose. My self confidence was a shipwreck, but I floated on amongst debris. But this disorder is the anchor, pulling me down below the sea.
My identity burns away, like a passport on a flame. And it hurts to hear that positive thinking, will simply help to tame your brain. Of course it would, but that’s like the limb that’s missing, along with my personality. How do I simply do these things, when my head has a fucked-up functionality.
It’s like a ghost at night, that you have to see to believe. And just because someone showed a smile, it doesn’t mean the demons can, so quickly up and leave. Always there in the shadows, and will come outwards in the night. And just because I feed it these pills, doesn’t mean it never bites.